93. Keeping Your Boundaries & Sanity

Let's be real for a minute . . .

Keeping your boundaries can be at the least challenging.  Especially if you aren't practiced at it.  Holy shmoly people, the world can be a crazy place. Especially this year. But let down your boundaries or let people push you past those you have set and it could be like the initial scene of the Wizard of Oz.

The universe has been giving me a TON of boundary opportunities

This is why I decided to focus the podcast this week on lessons learned from keeping and not keeping my boundaries.  In hopes that some of my less than success opportunities will help you.  Click here to listen to the entire episode.  I have seven tips that I took away from recent boundary lessons to share with you, as well as some symptoms of being boundaryless at the end.

1. Boundaries help you realize what you do and don't want. 

I give multiple examples of what this looks like in the episode, but without boundaries, you are pushed here and there with no direction and it's easy to lose track of what you were originally aiming for, making it nearly impossible to attain your goals and desires. If your boundaries are being circumvented, I found that its a great time to take stock of what is happening in your world.  See the symptoms below.

2. Holding your boundaries helps you reestablish and reconnect with your goals.

It's easy as a business owner to just jump in and power through. But if all that effort isn't moving toward an end result, or you've lost sight of what the end result is, then reaching the finish line will be impossible.  More often than not, if someone pushes your boundary it makes you aware that something is off-kilter. It is a warning shot per se to reconnect with where you are going and what you are trying to accomplish, which typically requires you to enforce a boundary.  Funny how that works, eh?

3. Saying yes means saying no to something else. What do you REALLY want and need to say yes to?

Episode 93 has many examples of what this looks like. But, simply when you say yes to something as simple as ice cream after dinner - you are saying no to things like your diet, vegging out on the couch later, one flavor over another. A simple decision really is complex. This is why when you say yes to things in business, like working with that high-maintenance client, you can easily be tilted off-track pushing you further and further off course. When I evaluate what saying yes means, it ensures that I am empowering myself to follow that decision through.  I chose to hire a cleaning lady, there are a lot of inside details about this situation in the episode. Hiring this company empowered me to say no to feeling guilty about the house being dirty, spending my time on a chore when I would rather be doing something else, and most importantly family disputes every weekend on who would be doing what.

4. Take 100% radical responsibility for you and only you.

That seems easy enough, but 100% responsibility requires extreme effort and practice.  Notice that end piece, for only you.  I talk a bit more about that below - but you are not responsible for other people.  It's easy to pick up their projects (especially mental projects) which is why in the episode I share this important tip: "I'm sure you'll figure that out!"  Listen here to hear the entire story and know why it works to keep you in your responsibility lane protecting your time and energy.

5. There is no point in trying to fix other people.

First, you can't fix them. They can only fix themselves.  I shared this Julia Roberts quote, which I am seriously thinking of making my mantra.  Swap out man for client, child, or whatever fits for you.  Listen to the entire scoop on not "saving" others here.

"Women, you are not rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It's not your job to fix him, change him, parent, or raise him. You want a partner not a project." - Julie Roberts

6. Take time to Reflect, Recharge & Reevaluate (the triple R).

When confronted with your boundaries, you are also confronted with an opportunity for choice and change. Sometimes you need to take a deep breath and reflect on what is going on. Why you are feeling the way you are. Is it because you're tired, stressed out, or something else.  Taking a few minutes to connect to your gut and ask yourself what is coming up helps you recharge and then you can reevaluate what you want to do next. Helping you to act with precision and confidence as you move forward.

7. You only get one shot. Today.

I butchered the "today is a present" saying, but I know you've heard it. I also know that it is true. This is why I give you some important questions to ask before you answer "yes" or "no" to decisions that impact your boundaries and your sanity. Because tomorrow is a new day, you have an opportunity. But sometimes that can fluster our decision making. I came up with these simple questions to help you determine whether you say yes or no.

1. What will "yes" mean tomorrow?
2. What will "yes" mean next week?
3. What will "yes" mean next month?
4. What will "yes" mean next year?
5. What will "yes" mean in 5 years?

The same questions can be used for "no". You can hear some specific examples of how this scenario looks by listening to the episode here.

Last but least. You may be struggling with boundaries if you have these symptoms:

• You feel worn out all the time.  More than exhausted.
• You feel emotionally overwhelmed.
• You aren't sleeping well.
• You're stressed out, all the time.
• You are exhausted, frustrated, cranky, and angry and can't figure out why.
• You are feeling melancholic. 

If you are feeling any of these, check your boundaries.  If they feel out of whack, implement one of the options from above and see how you feel afterward.

 

What did you learn from this episode? 

Come and tell me in the Facebook Group. Not in the group yet? Consider this your official invitation to join the Small Business Builders Community in the Facebook Group. Small Business owners unite to feed each other with inspiration, information, experiences, and knowledge.